Not too much longer

 

I’m not one to count down days because my dad once said “don’t wish your life away” and my best friend once said “don’t be that girl.” But it is a mere 9 days until my wedding.

And I’m scared. I’m scared that I will not be the greatest wife in the world like the T-shirt I bought myself says I will. I’m scared that I will trip going down the aisle. I’m scared that nothing will go right and no one will be where they need to be on time. I’m scared people won’t have fun.

But my biggest fear isn’t what will happen on November 15th. It’s what will happen on the 16th and beyond. We’ve been saying “we’ll do it in January” a lot –to people we want to hang out with, to each other about big projects, to the world. January is when it all goes to normal. And that is sooner than you think! They are already playing Christmas music at Macy’s!!! MACY’S, the store KNOWN for celebrating Thanksgiving when all other stores ignore it. Thanksgiving is a Macy’s tradition! But that is a rant for another time and another blog.

Anyway, being out of a job has been frustrating but it has afforded me the luxury of time that not a lot of brides get as they plan their wedding. So in that regard, I’ve been fortunate. But that also means that I’ve been planning a wedding and the wedding took over my life in a way that, to be honest, I’m a little ashamed of. I did some other stuff too. I got a website, I took some classes, I wrote (not as much as I should have), and I tried to jump start a dormant acting career.

But honestly, wedding planning has been the answer for all life’s questions for the last 6 months at least.

“Becky, you seem upset?”
“Oh, I’m just mad about this small detail of my wedding that I’m clearly blowing out of proportion but that right now seems to be the only thing that will make the wedding work.”

“Why are you stressed, Becky?”
“Trying to make everything work for the wedding, because I have this notion that I can control it all when I can’t.”

“Becky,  why do you have no time for all these important career boosting events?”
“Ugh, you know how wedding planning is…”

“Becky, why are you so tired?”
“I’m just lying awake thinking about the wedding and all those things I can’t control.”

I’m going to miss that excuse, I’m going to have to come up with new one’s now.

“Becky, you seem upset.”
“Oh, you know I have no idea what I’m doing with my life now that the wedding is over and I’m constantly terrified.”

“Why are you so stressed Becky?”
“Because I haven’t worked in my industry in over 6 months and I’m afraid no one will hire me and if I do get hired it might wreck the little momentum I have in the acting arena.”

“Becky, you’ve got no time for all these important career boosting events.”
“Ugh, you know how lazy I am.”

“Becky, you seem tired”
“I’m staying up until 1am watching ‘Nashville’ to distract myself from my life.” (BTW, how good is that show, how did I JUST start watching it?! Can we talk about my conflicting feelings about Rayna and Deacon?)

I think a lot of brides put off thinking about the after part of the wedding. Maybe because most brides have a job they know they are going back to and a career trajectory they know. Maybe they know whether they want to have kids or not and when that will happen. Maybe most brides have their lives figured out and the wedding only made them temporarily insane.

But to me the day after your wedding seems like the biggest day after Christmas feeling ever. But like the after Christmas feeling looks to New Year’s as a boost, we have our honeymoon right after! And then we have the holidays right after that!

So I guess maybe I’m not so much worried about November 16th as I am about January 2nd.

 

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A Different Kind of Love Story

As a recovering romantic comedy addict, I am obsessed with “meet cutes”. The meet cute is the way that your leading man and leading lady meet in the movie. It’s usually something adorable like bumping into each other in the hallway and dropping all their stuff. Or meeting at a party, hating each other and then falling in love. I love asking people how they met their significant other. It’s always such a great story.

Mine is not that great. It is one sentence. “We met online”. There are cute stories that go along with our relationship, but our meet cute is not so cute. That always really bugged me. Having seen some of the best meet cutes Hollywood has to offer (Sleepless in Seattle, While You Were Sleeping, Notting Hill…I could go on forever), I have always been disappointed that our story wasn’t Hollywood material. I always thought that when I met that special someone, that it would be cinema worthy. I tried and tried and failed and failed. I tried to make my romantic life like something Nora Ephron would have written so much that I wrote a show about it. Then I just went online.

But love is strange and comes in many forms. And your meet cute doesn’t always happen on the first date or the first moment. Sometimes you get a meet cute almost 4 years in.

About 2 weeks ago, I was in Memphis, visiting my family and running wedding related errands. Three days before my return to Los Angeles, I get a text from my fiance, “Call me ASAP”. He’s not an ASAP kind of person, he doesn’t throw that acronym around like most people do. This was serious. This was either a very good or a very bad thing. It could be “I’ve been given a raise and we need to move to Australia next week” or it could mean “The house burned down.” So, a little nervous, I call him back.

“What’s happening?!”

“Well, I was moving my car from the driveway….and there was a four-legged creature underneath and now he’s run into the garage.”

Now I knew there were raccoons around our house, I had recently had a hostile encounter with a very courageous and stubborn guy in our driveway. After he tells me this, I immediately think he’s been bitten and has rabies and the raccoon has decided that he lives in our house now. He says that it is not a raccoon. It’s a canine. And looks to be a puppy. With no collar or tags.

My campaign for a dog has been going on since before we moved to Los Angeles. I kicked it up to 11 when we moved into a house that not only had a backyard, but a neighbor with a friendly and loveable boxer who clearly needed a friend. We talked about possible dog names the way other couples discuss baby names. We decided that Carl was a distinguished and hilarious name and after watching that episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” with Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner, we decided that Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks should be our dogs’ names. As far as breed, I wanted a poodle, he wanted a lab…so a big labradoodle it was. I was ready to go to a breeder yesterday. But because my fiance is a practical person, he convinced me that we should get a puppy until after we got married and went on our honeymoon.

“Well, what are you going to do with him?”

“I’m going to take him to the vet to see if he’s chipped or has any diseases…don’t get excited. I’ll call you when I get back.”

I waited those hours with bated breathe and excitement. A puppy! In our house! I imagined all the fun we’d have and snuggling we would do! I thought about hours of fetch in the park and having puppy play dates at the beach! When he called back, he spoke with restrained joy.

“Well, no microchip. No parvo. But he has worms and fleas.”

“So that means….”

“He doesn’t officially belong to anyone. I will post some ads online, but….the vet thinks he was abandoned so…”

“So…..”

“So….we have a puppy.”

“What kind of puppy?”

I could hear my fiance wrinkle his nose a little. “He’s small…..probably a Chihuahua….”

But it didn’t matter to be because I have A PUPPY! I HAVE A PUPPY!!! The last three days in Memphis went by so slowly. And finally I arrived home, late at night ready to run into the arms of a joyful pup!

He barked and growled and ran from me terrified and hid behind the dryer. I was devastated. It was not the love at first sight situation I had imagined.

For the next two days, I was on the floor with treats begging, pleading, cooing, and at one point crying to get him to be my friend. I fed him and walked him. I had fleeting moments of his tenderness but nothing that trumped his undying love for my fiance. And my fiance was loving it. And the dog. He was obsessed with their little boys’ club and I could see how in love he was with the dog. It was very sweet and endearing to see him doting on this tiny dog. But I wanted my cuddle time. I was getting sad and irritated, and to be honest, I kind of hated the puppy. Why didn’t he love me?! One morning, after a particularly hard night full of whining and pooping, he woke up, saw me, and wagged his tail. I was in! After that, it’s been love. It’s classic Hollywood. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl. Boy meets dog, boy loves dog. Girl meets dog….they hate each other. Then fall in love.

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Meet Carl.

 

 

 

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A shout out to musical theater nerds on that one.

When I was trying to come up with a name for this stupid blog it became less about naming a blog and more about figuring out who I am now. For a very long time I was “romantic single bumbling her way through New York City”. The name for that girl’s blog practically writes itself! But now I’m “soon to be married woman, ambitiously pursuing her career in Los Angeles who really wants a dog”. That blog name doesn’t come so easy.

Then that sort of raised this whole bigger issue for me. When you are in a relationship or married, you don’t want to be identified as the “married girl” but when you are single you use that as a self identifier all the time. I was single for so long that it became who I was. It was part of everything I did. When I met my fiance my biggest fear was that I would be the “friend with a boyfriend”. I had seen other friends go the way of the boyfriend and I worked very hard to make sure that didn’t happen to me. I maintained all my friendships and my relationship pretty well back in New York. And because my fiance travels for work, a lot of times I was single during the week and a girlfriend on the the weekend. I mean, I didn’t do ALL the stuff single people did, but you know what I mean.

Then we moved. And I became the girlfriend, then fiance, full time. People that meet me now don’t know that I was once a carefree single gal doing the walk of shame on Sunday mornings and drunk brunching with my girls. They don’t know about the times I made out with random guys in ATM vestibules (yea, multiple times…hey, New York is cold). They don’t know about the Halloween where I broke my nose dancing. Or the night I convinced a guy I was British and he called me the next day to ask me out.

People that meet me now, the single people at least, think I have it figured out. That I met the man of my dreams and that was that. But that wasn’t that. I got my heart broken numerous times. I ate junk food and cried into glasses of wine over many men. I went out with assholes and liars and man-childeren. I did all that. That’s how I got here.
To Los Angeles. Engaged. Wanting a dog.