The year I turned 30, I ran a half marathon.
I’m not a runner, like by any stretch of the imagination. Seriously, in New York I hardly ever ran for a train or bus. Nowhere is important enough that you need to run to get there. Running is reserved for serial killers chasing you and that is about it.
But I digress. I ran this damn half marathon. Not before I almost quit, a million times. And I had every excuse, I pulled a ligament, it got too cold to train, I hated it….but I did it because while I’m an ambitious person, I felt like I had never finished anything I started.
I started with acting at a young age, after college that got hard, so I went to improv, wasn’t making headway there so I moved to sketch comedy, then storytelling, then solo show performance and now writing. I never really stuck to one thing.
And now…I’m promising to be with someone FOREVER.
I’m faced with the question of “why?”. Why do I think I can do this forever, when everything else in my life ends after a few years?
Just when I’m about to spiral downward into a pit of self doubt. I think about my friends. My very best friends in the world are from childhood, high school and college.
“But friendship and marriage are two different things…”, you say.
“Are they?”, I say to you.
Stick with me here. What I love about my friendships is that we have grown up. Together. We have changed and evolved and we’ve given each other the space and grace to do so. Sure, change is weird. And sometimes hard to adjust to, but when you find people that grow with you, that is something worth holding on to.
Cut to marriage. No two people stay the same over the course of 50 years. Or at least they shouldn’t. They should fundamentally stay who they are and stick to core beliefs. But wants and needs evolve over time. That is expected. And I’m really good at rolling with the punches. I’m pretty flexible and accommodating. I feel like I have the understanding to be with someone who is changing and either give them the space to do it or support them. And I feel like my fiance, while maybe not as good with rolling with punches, is supportive, understanding and accepting…except for if I decided to become a vegan…that would be totally unacceptable to him as an avid meat eater (think Ron Swanson levels of meat love).
So when I start to panic. I just think about my best friends and all that we’ve gone through together – the moves, the fights, breakups, lost jobs, marriages, babies, divorces, and death. Then I start to feel like, “Yea, I can do this forever thing….as long as he doesn’t want to move to Florida.” (Just kidding….but seriously, I never want to live in Florida).